Parting Gift
by Angelscribe
Summary: COMPLETE Spike's thoughts on his final moments - altered slightly from actual events to accomodate more Spuffyness! ;)


A/N: One shot take on Spike's final moments, based on the actual episode but altered slightly to accommodate more Spuffyness. ;) Thanks for reading and all comments would be appreciated!

**Parting Gift.******

For a moment, his brain didn't register anything other than the searing pain – his whole world kaleidescoped and that was all there was. Pain.

"_Spike?!_"

Make that pain and his Slayer.

Buffy's voice. That got through to him – was probably the only thing that would. He glanced up to meet those hazy green eyes, filled with an unreadable mix of emotions, and he choked back a cry of pain. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw awe and hope flicker in her eyes before a greater understanding seemed to hit her and drowned those feelings with fear and … could that be sorrow?

It finally registered with him. The incredible heat, the burning sensations threatening to overwhelm him, the smell of burning … Pure light, cleansing everything around them and dusting demons by the score. This was their one chance – the tables had been turned and they could do this. Now they could actually _win_.

Shame it looked like he'd miss out on the celebrations …

"Gotta move, lamb." he managed through gritted teeth, "I think it's fair to say school's out for the bloody summer."

Not only were they contending with droves of demons trying to flee for their lives and exploding into flames as they failed, sending ashes flying, but the whole place was beginning to shake and they could hardly hear themselves think over the ominous rumble coming from beneath the ground – the Hellmouth was caving in on itself. This time it was _really_ over, but only Spike seemed to realize just what that meant.

"Spike, _come_ _on_!" she was shouting urgently over the din as the last of the Potentials, now fully-fledged Slayers, scrambled to make their escape.

The platinum blonde vampire swallowed the worst of the agonizing heat coursing through him and managed a wry little smile for her benefit. "Not this time, pet. You've done your bit, now I'm here for the clean-up …"

"You've done enough!" she yelled back desperately, "There's still time to get out …"

Another burst of pain and he saw that his hand was actually on fire, but seeing that look in her eyes and knowing it was for him made it almost bearable … Almost.

"I have to … do this …" he managed between gasps.

In spite of what he was enduring, he didn't miss the way the tears welled up in her eyes and her lip trembled or the obstinate way she refused to waste time in crying – though he could see the trail left as a tear escaped from beneath long lashes and coursed down her cheek, she didn't bother to wipe it away and instead kept her eyes locked on him.

Maybe it was better this way. Hey, he was gonna go out a hero – that couldn't be all bad. And, more importantly, this way he would know she would be safe and that he was the one to ensure that – this was the only way he could give her a future. As he had told her not so long ago, he had seen the best and the worst of her and he understood with perfect clarity what she was and that was one hell of a women. He was a vampire … granted, one with a soul, but a vampire nonetheless. He couldn't be part of the life she deserved – she had earned the right to be _normal_; to stop her life revolving around slaying and see the world; get married and have kids … He could never give her that. This was better … this was his parting gift to her.

"Bloody hell, woman, would you get a shift on?" he groaned, trying to keep his voice as light-hearted as he could manage, given that he felt like he was being slow-roasted from the inside out.

She shook her head, disbelief and anguish at the sight of his pain rooting her to the spot. "I'm not ready for you not to be here …" she whispered, aware that she was echoing a sentiment she had already voiced to him in the recent past. Their history was long and complicated, but that much was true – she couldn't imagine not having him in her life. She stepped forward and saw that he tried to back away, trying to keep the flames from her, but she stubbornly moved closer and slipped her fingers through his, tightening her grip on his hand and not even feeling the pain as she locked gazes with him. Soft green eyes staring into startling blue with enough emotion to send a shiver down his spine in spite of the heat and agony …

"I love you …"

Her words hit him hard, making him forget all else for a split second which seemed to last forever. Did she mean it? Could she really …?

Was she _trying_ to break his heart? Here he was, at most minutes away from burning to a crisp, and she was declaring her love! The irony was not lost on him … And for a moment, the thought of escape crossed his mind. Most of the demons had been dealt with, surely they could handle the rest the good old-fashioned way – stake through the heart and all that … There was still time, if they could put the flames out quick enough – he'd have a hell of a display of third degree burns, but if Buffy was offering to play nurse, who was he to refuse? And when all this calmed down, at least they'd be together – maybe they'd have a chance. Stranger things had happened …

No. If it was that simple, they wouldn't have had to go through so much to get to this point. There were higher powers at work here and this had been prophesied for him; you couldn't just fly in the face of that - that had a tendency to end badly. For one reason or another, this was how it was meant to be … And this way, he'd never have to really find out if she was lying to him.

"No, you don't." he returned, after what seemed to him like an age. "But thanks for saying it anyway."

He _wanted_ to believe her and he thought from the look in her eyes that so did she. Whether it was actually true … It didn't matter, not really – she was with him, she was holding his hand like it wasn't engulfed in flames and she was prepared to say the words. They always say it's the thought that counts … Even if he wasn't going to admit it, he was going to rely on her words to get him through – he could take heart in knowing that this way he would never lose her. She would never wake up and realize what a mistake she had made in being with him; would never see him for what he really was. This way she would never leave him … Admittedly, he was being torn away from her rather sooner than he would have liked, but beggars can't be choosers now, can they?

He groaned again, realizing he wasn't far from the end as more flames were now licking at his skin. "Go!" he urged her, "And, love … don't look back …"

He didn't want her to see his last moments – he had a feeling it wasn't going to be pretty and she had seen enough sorrow over the years, she didn't need to see anymore. But he also wanted his words to stay with her – he didn't want any of that brooding she had gone through when she had lost Angel. That great sodding fairy … A shadow of his usual smirk crossed his features – who was the heroic ensouled vampire now, eh?

His thoughts quickly flitted back to Buffy though as he didn't have much time; certainly not enough for gloating at Angel's expense, tempting as that was. While he didn't want her to grieve too much for him – he couldn't help feeling a tiny spark of hope that she might miss him, perhaps think back on the good times they had shared, as scarce as they had been. That would be enough for him.

He pulled his hand free from hers as the flames crept further up his arm, noticing the livid burns on her slender fingers. "Get gone, Slayer. And remember …" he said, raising his scarred eyebrow in a familiar gesture, "I catch you moping, and you're gonna have a Big Bad ghost on your hands …"

The petite blonde before him couldn't even bring herself to smile, though she did try for his sake. "What am I supposed to do now?" she asked tearfully, still ignoring the imminent collapse of everything around them.

"Now you move on – you look after the Little Bit and you built yourself a proper life. Now we _both_ rest …" he murmured, his mind wandering feverishly back to one of the even darker than usual periods of his existence when he had draped himself over a cross in front of Buffy in the hope of ending it all. "Now _go_! Buffy, please …"

With one last anguished look and a strangled sob, she turned and fled and not a moment too soon as far as Spike could tell. The rumbling from the depths of the earth intensified still further and the flames engulfed his entire form. It was ending … He had done it – saved the world. Hadn't expected that one, but then he'd had good reason. He'd done it all for her – his parting gift to his Slayer.

A smug grin of triumph crept over his face even as it burned and he managed a laugh before everything exploded in white-hot pain and then faded slowly to black. There was no keeping his girl down – he'd made sure of that.

END.


End file.
